I know, it's been almost too months since I posted anything. But I was working on my new job, and just when things settled down, I got sick. :/ The last week has sucked for me, coughing up my lungs among other things. Thankfully I think it's mostly over now. I'll try to work on the next chapter soonish and get it up.

Series: Final Fantasy VII
Characters: Cloud, Sephiroth, Zack
Couple: Sephiroth/Cloud

Title: Redemption
Word Count: 3,201
Chapter: Chapter 15/17
Status: Complete
Rating: R
Disclaimer: If I had the rights to this, I'd so remake the game with updated graphics and some SephyxCloud action. :p
Summery: If you could go back in time, redo the past and change the future, would you do it? Even at the risk that you lose every single hard-won victory you've had?


Cloud couldn’t hear anything past the roaring in his ears. If at any point in his life that he’d felt that what he’d done was wrong, it was now. It was barely a week after his birthday celebration and he felt the floor dropped out from under him. He was actually surprised his heart was still beating, given the terror and horror that touched him.

“What…did you say?”

“I said,” Zack repeated with happy glee, completely unknowing what was shredding up Cloud’s insides, “that we’re going to Nibelheim! And you’re going with us! Come on, look more excited here. We went to bat for you on this mission because we know you’re from Nibelheim.”

“Th-thanks.”

Wait, wait, wait! This isn’t supposed to be happening! It’s supposed to be sixteenth! On my sixteenth birthday! I just turned fifteen last week! This is all wrong, it wasn’t supposed to happen yet! Why is everything rushing so fast?! Sure, Cloud had considered himself prepared, knew that things wouldn’t go exactly the same way as before, but it was one thing to think it and another thing to know it. The fact that they were going to Nibelheim in two weeks had thrown all his carefully constructed plans into chaos. Is this my punishment for trying to cheat fate? How can I possibly keep Sephiroth from going insane now? When I’m like this? I don’t have the strength to keep up with him, fight him and hope to keep him from losing his sanity!

“Hey, Spike…you sure you’re okay? You’re white as a sheet. Did you not want to go back?”

Cloud blinked, seeing Zack staring at him in concern. He forced a smile, but he was sure it was obvious that it was forced. He didn’t feel happy, he felt stark raving terror. He’d been flying by the seat of his pants for a while now, but he’d always had some sort of guideline from his memories. The exams for SOLDIER candidates were still held on the same date, Zack and Sephiroth’s missions were still usually the same and at the same time… But this was a whole year early, which meant everything could be different. What if Zangan wasn’t teaching Tifa yet? What if…he had to wake up Vincent early?

“Why…are we going? Is it about…a mako reactor?”

Zack looked at him in misgiving at his smile and sat down in the well-worn chair in the small lounge area of the SOLDIER dorms on the first floor. “Nah, nothing like that. Far as I know, the reactor is working perfectly.”

Another difference… “Then why?”

“Well you know those corporate heads don’t tell us anything, but theory has it that it’s Hojo pulling strings. He’s got some stuff in the mansion up there that he wants brought down here, research and all that apparently.”

Cloud forced himself to sit down casually next to his friend. “Then why send—”

“A whole regiment, led by Sephiroth himself? Worried about the locals, mostly. Apparently the ShinRa mansion isn’t well liked up there, the people don’t want it there, and there was rumors that they tried to burn it down once for some reason, but couldn’t because of a freak blizzard that hit just at the time they were going to set it on fire. Whatever is in there that they don’t like, assuming there actually is anything in there besides rotting floorboards, Hojo’s all worried about the townsfolk taking exception and trying to destroy them.”

“What about the Turks? Aren’t they better equipped to handle a job like that?”

The black-haired SOLDIER snorted and waved his hand dismissively. “Like Rufus ShinRa would allow his precious Turks to do anything for Hojo. I don’t care what the books say, they’re more loyal toward Rufus than they are to that President of theirs and it’s well known that Hojo and Rufus hate each other about as much as Seph hates Hojo.”

“That…”

“…seems impossible, huh? But I’m serious. I caught them in an argument once, a real bad one. Tseng was in background as usual and Hojo and Rufus were close to a screaming match. Apparently Hojo had tried to filch one of the Turks for experimentation and Rufus took exception to his people being used as guinea pigs.”

He looked at the tabletop thoughtfully, tracing the patterns on it made by the wood of the tree left behind. Well that was an unexpected thought. He hadn’t known Rufus cared that much about the Turks or had that much of a heart. “I wonder why.”

“Wonder why what?”

“Why it bothers Rufus that the Turks could fall into Hojo’s hands. I mean, he doesn’t seem to care if other SOLDIERs do, or even Sephiroth. So why just the Turks?”

Zack eyed him a bit before shrugging. “Why don’t you go ask him? I wouldn’t make the mistake thinking he’s a good guy, he’s just as ruthless as his daddy in his own way, but he doesn’t seem quite as heartless just yet. I could be wrong, though. Still, even if he is, I have hopes that if he can get around some decent people, he might not become like his old man. He’s still young, only a few years older than you, so it’s not all ingrained into his brain yet that he has to be an asshole.”

Cloud thought of Rufus in his wheelchair, looking distinctly humbled by his experiences and his speech about repaying the planet, and most importantly his actions in trying to do so. He didn’t think he’d ever really like Rufus ShinRa, though he couldn’t actually pinpoint a single incident that really made him hate the guy. It wasn’t him that had dropped the plate on the second seven slums. With so many things changing, it was hard to know what to expect, really. Rufus could turn out to be better, or so much worse, than the last time before he’d gone back and messed things up.

“Maybe…”

“Maybe what?”

He blinked, drawn out of his thoughts to find Zack staring at him again. “Nothing.”

Another of those inscrutable looks were sent his way. “We leave at the end of next week. Theoretically, it’s only supposed to last a day or two, but you never know with a ‘Hojo mission’. So keep your eyes open, okay? I have a feeling that something might go wrong.”

Cloud forced a laugh. “You suddenly psychic?”

It didn’t help his state of mind that Zack didn’t smile like he was hoping and instead shrugged. “Nah, but sometimes I get feelings about a mission from time to time and when they happen, they tend to be right. Kind of like a sixth sense. You’ll get it too eventually, Cloud. A SOLDIER just learns these things after so many missions.”

Too bad I already know something bad is going to happen, he thought with an inward slump.

-0-0-0-0-0-

The week went by incredibly fast just because Cloud didn’t want it to. He felt disjointed from everything in a way. Sephiroth and Zack were the same as always, routines were still observed, and the executives remained as aloof as they had been, but to Cloud, it was as if he was standing on the sidelines. His mind was constantly at work, trying to figure out where this was all leading. He had to know where it was going to figure out how to stop it.

Maybe it was the ripple effect. He had thrown a stone lightly into a pond and one ripple started, and that started another, and another after that. It was the only way he could explain the deviation from what he knew. Cloud had always just assumed that the burning of Nibelheim was a constant, and would happen when he was sixteen, no earlier or later. Why he had thought that, he didn’t know, as he no basis for it, but it had just felt that way. Not once in his memory did he recall hearing of a mission to Nibelheim prior to what had happened when he was sixteen. As far as he knew, it had been the one and only time that Sephiroth, as a man, had stepped foot in the little mountain town.

That was all about to change.

His heart filled with anxiety, Cloud got into the truck with two Second class SOLDIERs, Zack, Sephiroth, and two regular troopers. It was the same one that he’d been in when he was sixteen. Everything about that trip was burned into his memory so that he even recalled the small dent in the back door.

He said very little, despite Zack, and even Sephiroth occasionally, trying to get him to talk. Cloud hoped they assumed that the pale color of his face was motion sickness and not nerves, because he wasn’t interested in being grilled about what his problem was, either in the truck or at the town.

Cloud was desperately paying attention to every detail and he had a laundry list of things that compared what happened before to now. The timing of it was different; the truck was the same; the crew was different; he was different; there was no attack on them by a dragon; the route was identical; the weather a perfect copy. It was the first time since he’d been sent back that he really had no idea what was going on. It was like someone had just pulled the rug right out from under him.

It was nightfall when they arrived, which was also different. Because there had been no delay from the dragon, they had kept at least an hour, perhaps more, of their trip from happening. His stomach tying itself in knots, Cloud stepped out of the truck and peered around him through the heavy rain. If things continued as it should in his memories, by tomorrow morning the rain would stop and they would have clear skies.

Willpower alone kept him breathing. For so long he’d lived with the knowledge that Nibelheim was gone. Even after they’d returned, chasing Sephiroth and the reunion business with the town rebuilt, it hadn’t been the same. It had been artificially populated with people who were paid by ShinRa or really had no clue what had gone on. ShinRa’s version of wiping clean the blemishes of history and it had sent a terrible ache through his heart. His own home had been rebuilt down to a T, but his room hadn’t been his room and the person living there wasn’t…

But the place he was looking at was the real Nibelheim. People he’d grown up with and knew all his life lived here. Sure they were indoors now and likely sleeping through the rain, but he could see it. The lived-in feeling of the town was as clear as day, from the not-quite-perfect roof of Tifa’s best friend, to the crooked chimney of the Inn. It wasn’t like the clearly patented ‘ShinRa attempt’ with pristine walls and perfectly placed blocks and utter lifeless expressions.

“Gonna stand all night in the rain, Spike?”

Zack’s jibe from where he stood in the doorway to the Inn caught Cloud’s attention and he realized that he was the only one still outside. The truck had been parked out of the way of traffic and everyone had gone inside except himself. He’d been lost in his thoughts on the town that he could see clearly even in the dark, amid the heavy rain. Sephiroth moved to join Zack in the doorway, his cat green eyes watching him in contemplation.

Maybe it was Zack’s ‘sixth sense’ kicking in, but somehow he had a feeling that they were going to push the issue during this trip. His denials and excuses and diversions were running out. He had none left to tell them that they would believe and they would not accept just silence or an ‘I can’t tell you’. They were his friends and they would help even if he didn’t want them to.

Cloud hurried from where he stood into the Inn and Sephiroth handed him a towel he’d obviously been waiting with. Though his expression was as always when he was in public, there was a warmth to his gaze when their eyes met and it sent a shiver of feelings through him. No, there was no way he could bear to lose Sephiroth, not now.

“You’ve got the pick of the Inn, gentlemen,” stated the Innkeeper, whose name he had, amazingly enough, forgotten. Forgetting those little details made Cloud worried, because if he forgot them, what else was he liable to forget? “There’s a room for the General by himself, naturally, and one for three of you SOLDIERs, and for the rest, another room.”

“It isn’t necessary to have a room by myself.”

Sephiroth’s statement caught the aging Innkeeper by surprise and there was a flash of…fear in his eyes, which made no sense to Cloud. Was he scared that if he didn’t give the famous General his own room that ShinRa would somehow find out about it and descend on him? Somehow shut him down or kill him? Were the people in Nibelheim always this paranoid or was this something else that was changing?

“I will share a room with my Lieutenant, and if you have a room big enough, the rest of my troop will share a communal room. That only uses two and is more economical and costs less.”

Cloud used the towel to dry his hair and the action hid his proud smile…not to mention his amusement. Watching the stuffy older man flounder for words was actually funny, though some part of him was horrified at himself that he dared find anything amusing about this mission. This was a very serious affair, one that would end up deciding the fate of the person he loved. He shouldn’t want to laugh!

A few more exchanges and finally the deal was settled, as Sephiroth had asked for it. Despite being soaked and mud coating their boots, they headed upstairs. He could tell that the two ShinRa troopers were tired, though he himself was feeling still vaguely energetic, likely from the mako injections. In fact, all the SOLDIERs present and Sephiroth included, seemed to feel the same as himself in that regard. One of the SOLDIER 2nd’s seemed to actually be fidgeting with stored up energy from the drive that he’d been unable to let out.

“Strife, come here. You’re a native here, aren’t you?”

Cloud detoured from heading to their new ‘barracks’ and instead followed after Sephiroth and Zack as they went to their room. If he’d been younger, it would have seemed odd to him, but he knew that it was mostly a ruse. Sephiroth wouldn’t need his ‘knowledge’ of the town or the landscape to find the ShinRa mansion, but it would also scream favoritism if he was asked just because to join the General and Zack, especially since he was only a SOLDIER 3rd rank.

As soon as the door closed behind them, a gloved hand wove it’s way into Cloud’s spiky blond hair and lips were on his. Cloud kept it more on the chaste side, knowing that Zack was there and grinning like a loon at them, which Sephiroth didn’t seem to particularly mind, so long as he was allowed to explore the insides of Cloud’s mouth with his tongue. He seemed to have a particular fascination with such deep kisses, which usually invariably led to something more.

“Well, when you two are finished making out over there—No, Seph, that does not require a correction, it’s a figure of speech.”

“I was well aware of that,” was the calm answer and Sephiroth let him go and headed for the nearest, and only, chair. Zack didn’t seem to care that he was left with one of the beds for a seating arrangement and flopped down on it hard enough to make the bedsprings creak in protest.

Cloud sat down on the edge near the foot of the other bed, but his throat closed on any words he might have wanted to say. They were watching him expectantly, clearly wanting him to explain something, but he had no idea what to tell them. He knew what they wanted to hear, they wanted to hear the unfettered truth, but…

“You’re not leaving this room until you tell us, Spike.” Cloud glanced for support from Sephiroth and only saw a firm nod in agreement to Zack’s words.

“I…can’t tell you.” It was the lamest thing he’d ever said, but it was the first thing out of his mouth. There were no more excuses coming to mind. Everything was a blank slate, something he’d already tried before. “And I’m not sure what it is you’re wanting me to tell you in the first place.”

“Okay then, we’ll narrow it down. How about starting with why you’ve been as white as a sheet since I mentioned Nibelheim a week ago?”

A moment of clarity hit Cloud and he almost breathed a sigh of relief as an answer came to him. “I have…unpleasant memories of this place. I didn’t really want to see it again.” And that was the utter truth…just not in the way that it would seem.

“Uh huh,” Zack muttered skeptically. “And your inexplicable knowledge of monster characteristics that you don’t generally read in books?”

“I listened when the other SOLDIERs talked.”

“What about your attitude?”

“Attitude?”

“You act like a SOLDIER 1st does, Cloud. You’ve got the same confidence, the same air. You know tricks that you only get from experience. You’re not even the same Cloud that I knew when he first joined. It was like he went to sleep one night and you woke up instead. I’m not saying that I don’t like you or anything, but I really can’t think of you and he as the same person—”

“Zack—”

“Cloud.” Sephiroth’s voice cut through both of theirs and he winced, reluctantly looking at his lover. Or rather, the General. It wasn’t his lover that was staring out of those green eyes, but his commanding officer. There was just that subtle difference, that shift, but knowing both sides, it was as clear as day to Cloud. “We’ve been patient, exceptionally so. We’ve waited for you to come to us. However, this has gone on long enough. Ever since Zack mentioned Nibelheim, you’ve been distracted. You randomly lose focus in practice matches, you get so lost in thought you walk right past your dorm room, and just now, you stood in the rain for ten minutes and it took Zack almost shouting at you to get your attention back. I can’t have this in my squad. Clearly whatever is bothering you is detrimental to your well-being and ability to function. Tell us what’s going on.”

“I don’t want to,” he whispered, one last hope. Cloud didn’t know what telling Sephiroth or Zack what happened would do. It could prevent the tragedy or it could expedite it.

“We’re aware you don’t, but I’m afraid you’ve left neither of us a choice except to take this route. What happened to make you like this?”

“…You killed everyone.”